Thursday, November 12, 2009

Mommy Guilt

Within 48 hours,  my four-year-old got a new sister, said goodbye to his grandparents who live halfway across the United States, watched his best friend move from the house next door, and waved goodbye as his older brother got on the bus to go to school all day.

My Middle Guy was stuck at home with me. No friends. No grandparents. No brother. Just me and Princess who cried and cried and had to go to countless doctor appointments. He went from being my baby to the middle child. He was dragged to all of the Big Boy's stuff and now all to Princess' appointments.

And I poured on the mommy guilt. It got better when his preschool started, but even after 3 months of being home I still have guilt about him. Just this week, he sat through 4 different appointments. On Wednesdays he has to hurry up and go to school, so I can hurry up and get Princess to speech therapy. Then after school he has to hurry up and come home, so I can hurry up and get Princess to physical therapy.

I haven't figured out how to slow it down. Until he asked to watch Tom and Jerry--with Evie. I don't normally let my kids veg in front of the TV. But they were sitting on the couch as close as close could be and begged. Even Princess said, "E-V," and pointed to the screen.

As it started, my little guy laughed and laughed. And so did Princess. But not at the TV--she was laughing at her big brother, who, for a moment, slowed down with his sister. They are bonding, but it's slow. Maybe there are more Tom and Jerry episodes in our future. And maybe my mommy guilt will one day fade with the laughter.


  1. A year you won't forget any time soon for it's highs, lows, tough times and good. Thanks be to God that children do not remember the tough times, as adults do. They remember being loved. I enjoy reading your blog, Amy. Keep loving them! I'm betting you'll get commendations (not condemnation) from your children when they are grown. --Sandra F.

  2. Timothy and Caleb need to get together and have a little heart to heart about being "the middle child." Wouldn't that be a conversation to hear :) I totally understand that guilt, though. It is probably one of the things I think about most these days.

  3. I know exactly what you mean. My younger son, who is now the middle child and my daughter's older little brother took the adjustment HARD. Mostly b/c his little sister rejected him more than any of the rest of us at first. I am not big on TV time either, but I think you are right that the bonding trumps that. Don't let the guilt get to you (easier said than done). I know this journey is helping to mold all of our children into the people God has planned for them to become.