Friday, August 31, 2012

Why We Are Not Adopting Again

Three years ago, my husband and I stood in front of the orphanage in Beijing, China, and promised we'd be back. We knew it was full of children who were dying, who went to bed hungry every night, and cried for someone, anyone to love them.

We'd always wanted four. It seemed logical: two boys and two girls. Everyone would have a best-friend for life. And the Princess would know the bond of a sister from her birth country.

It sounded beautiful. And we honestly thought that was where God was leading us. He had given us Evie. He had shown us over and over that Evie was our daughter. We had prayed for months, "Bring her home. Bring her home. Bring her home."

And then we landed in Chicago. And discovered the Princess' undisclosed special need-- developmental delays. Not only did she have tetrology of fallot and cleft lip and palate, but she could hardly sit, stand, walk, talk, chew, turn the pages of a book. She was completely and utterly shutdown.

We saw hints of this in China. But we assumed she would wake up and start acting like a two year old. But she never did.

So my new life--the one with only 3 three kids--consisted of juggling them so we could go to PT, OT, developmental therapy, and speech multiple times a week. Plus, all her other doctor visits.

I was exhausted. And that fourth child seemed further and further away. And the guilt of ignoring my two homegrown kids weighed heavily on me.

As time passed, I got into the rhythm of my new normal. And now three years later, things seem almost under control.

But, still, we won't be adopting again.

The Princess needs too much. She is too traumatized, too emotionally fragile, too needy. The honest, bitter truth is another special needs adoption would take too much of my time away from her. There is only so much of me to go around.

We've prayed about this. We've agonized about this. Because we know there are kids who need parents who love them. We know there are kids going to bed tonight with empty bellies, who are cold, alone, and afraid. We know, because that was Evie three short years ago. She was starving--not only for nourishment, but for human touch.

We aren't done with adoption. We just aren't adopting.

So now we are praying, "Use us. Use us. Use us."

And I wonder, how God will use us to care for the orphaned.


  1. So honest & sincere. I hear your heart through this. We adopted domestically & have had numerous foster kids & reality is, the needs of these kids are so great that sometimes adopting only 1 is enough. (At least it has been for us so far) Although my heart aches for the orphan & I always imagines a house filled with kids, God has been showing me quality, not quantity. And that we feel that He wants us to raise that 1 the best we possibly can...while others He may equip to raise many. I struggle leaving that in the Father's hands, at times, trusting His ways are above our ways. Praying w/ you now..."Use us" too, my sister in the Lord. And remaining open handed to advocate for the orphan...whatever that looks like in days to come. Blessings, jen

    1. Hi Jen--Thanks for stopping by. Quality, not quantity, is a good way to look at it. There are so many ways to support other adoptive parents--financially, prayerfully. It is my dream to someday take all my kids back to China to volunteer at an orphanage! Someday...when they can all sit still on that plane ride! : )

  2. "Use us Use us Use us" is my constant prayer. I would LOVE to adopt again but my hubby is not on board and until he is I figure it is not in Gods plan. I love the honesty of your post. Seeing and loving orphans is crazy and soooo life changing.

  3. Adopting another might be denying that parent who is waiting for just that child. Jody, The Medicare Mom