Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Closed Doors

People ask me all the time if we'll go back to China for another adoption. I try not to laugh. Because it's like asking a mother who has just given birth if she plans on getting pregnant again right away.

But I can't laugh at my sons when they ask. When we first started this process in 2008 my desire for my boys was to first have a little sister. I think a siblings are one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. But I also wanted them to learn about compassion for children in the world who live with much, much less than they do. Even still, I was a little taken aback when  my six year old announced that there was still an empty seat in the minivan. The four year old also chimed in that we had an extra chair at the dinner table.

Almost once a week the boys ask if we can go back to China for one more little girl. They remind me that there are many, many more children who just need a mommy and daddy to love them.

We love our girl. And I will be forever grateful for our adoption experience. My family has been blessed beyond measure. But she has special needs. And demands a lot of attention and time. I want to give her that time and attention. I want Evie to grow and develop and catch up with her peers. I absolutely cannot image caring for another baby right now. I know people do it--and do it well--but I doubt that I could juggle it all.

So we told our boys at dinner that our family was complete. We have three beautiful, smart, amazing, (and mostly) healthy kiddos. We are thankful for every one of them.

So for now the door to adoption is closed. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that there is a faint light filtering in through the crack.


  1. I know exactly what you mean. If we had all the money and time in the world, I imagine we might do it again. But I think the reality of living with a little one who just NEEDS is setting in. Not to mention that--WOW-- adoption was hard. Bummer, guess we won't be meeting in Guangzhou again anytime soon :)
    Be blessed,

  2. How about meeting in Disneyland instead?! Wouldn't that be fun and probably less stress.

  3. We adopted our only child in 2008. For me it was the calling, the gentle nudging that started a month after our return. I did not realize what it was, totally misreading it.

    This past January we started adoption of a younger brother for our daughter. He has the SN of learning delays.

    This past July we started looking at another sibling and at that point the nudging stopped. We did not know the pain that would ensue but also the great joy.

    The first child we found, 100% committed to, we lost to another family. After recouping as best as one can from loss, I moved on and found another little one, with whom we started moving forward with last month.

    Do I think our family complete? Heaven knows, I do not.